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The move comes after the ADL defended Elon Musk’s nazi salute during Donald Trump’s inauguration rally (Musk really did this and the ADL really backed him up).

Musk recently endorsed the far-right Alternative for Germany (AfD), a racist, anti-immigration, anti-Muslim party (he really did this too).

In case you missed it, the above headline was inspired by Kamala Harris saying she was “honored” to have Dick Cheney’s endorsement.

Sadly, this headline is accurate.

Below is a real tweet from the campaign that refused to allow a single Arab American to speak at the Democratic National Convention. There just wasn’t enough time!

“The American people don’t care about trivial issues like whether the president knows what decade it is,” Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre scoffed.

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WASHINGTON — Vice President Kamala Harris announced Thursday that she has begun searching for a Republican special counsel to investigate her once she becomes president.

“In keeping with Democrats’ tradition of even-handedness, my future Justice Department will select a special counsel intent on politically destroying me,” Harris said at a press conference. “This is the most effective way for us to convey our fairness to the public. As Democrats, we believe that when someone wants to attack you, you should hand them a knife so that everyone knows you’re a good person.”

When asked what the future special counsel will investigate, Harris said, “Whatever they want. I’ll even let them report on why I talk like a freshman in college giving a presentation about a philosopher whose work I haven’t read.”

Asked about Harris’ announcement, President Joe Biden told reporters, “I’m proud of Vice President Geraldine Ferraro for her commitment to bipartisanship.”

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Secretary of State Anthony Blinken said Friday that US officials were working around the clock to find ways to escalate the Israel-Palestine conflict.

“I promise the American people that we will not rest until we have expanded this conflict to at least one other neighboring country,” Blinken said in press conference. “Our number one prospect currently is finding a means to implicate Iran in Hamas’ attack on Israel.”

“We would also love to get Syria to send troops for the other team as well. The more in the game, the merrier,” Blinken said. “The ultimate goal is to escalate the war to the point that we can justify sending American troops, and our defense contractors can reap the profits of a prolonged multi-nation war. Obviously, a world war would be the dream scenario, but that would take all the stars aligning perfectly.”

Blinken also responded to calls for a cease-fire in Gaza, saying, “The United States does not negotiate with pro-peace organizations. Doctors Without Borders is a dangerous group that is not to be trusted.”

After concluding his remarks and beginning to walk away, Blinken added, “Oh yeah, and Netanyahu said they’ll allow humanitarian aid into Gaza sometime in the next month or two after they’ve destroyed every building. They might turn the water back on at some point too. I didn’t really ask for details.”

WASHINGTON — The freshly taxidermied corpse of Sen. Dianne Feinstein reported for work in the Senate Saturday.

In her will, Feinstein stipulated that her cadaver continue to serve in the Senate for the remainder of her term and run for re-election if it wants to.

Feinstein’s office said in a statement, “Sen. Feinstein remains the best person to represent the 40 million people of California, even though she is dead. Whether or not she is alive is irrelevant to her capacity to serve in the Senate. It is ageist to suggest that deceased people cannot hold federal office.”

Leaders in both parties voiced support for Feinstein’s dead body remaining in office. Senate colleagues said there was no discernible difference between living Feinstein and her dead body. “To be honest, we didn’t even notice when she died during our committee meeting yesterday,” Sen. Cory Booker admitted.

Chair of the Judiciary Committee Sen. Dick Durbin said in a statement he would defer to Feinstein’s corpse’s best judgment about its ability to serve.

In a bipartisan show of support, Sen. Mitch McConnell said he supported Feinstein’s corpse remaining in office. “I certainly hope that when I die, I will be permitted to keep my—,” McConnell said before freezing mid-sentence.

Contrary to popular opinion, you are not required to see ‘Barbie’ or ‘Oppenheimer’. Here are some fun alternatives:

• Go swimming!

• Read about how original films are being crowded out by companies like Mattel, which are venturing into filmmaking primarily to advertise their products, such as antiquated, gender-normative toys.

• Play hopscotch!

• Learn about how several top US military officials thought dropping atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki was unnecessary because Japan’s surrender was imminent regardless.

• Have a picnic!

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For more quick updates, follow us on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Mastodon.

For more quick updates, follow us on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Mastodon.

WASHINGTON — Justice Clarence Thomas was photographed accepting an envelope with an image of Adolph Hitler labeled “bribe” in front of the Supreme Court on Monday.

In a statement, Thomas acknowledged that the photo was authentic, adding, “What are you going to do about it?”

Asked for comment, Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell said he saw “no issue with the photo or Justice Thomas’ actions. Who among us hasn’t accepted a bribe in broad daylight from a Hitler enthusiast? The people calling attention to this are part of a partisan smear campaign against Justice Thomas.”

Senate majority leader Chuck Schumer called the bribery “the most disgraceful thing I have seen in my 50 years in public service. I’m calling for Justice Thomas to resign immediately, maybe, if he feels like it; no worries if not.”

Rep. Nancy Pelosi sent a fundraising email Monday asking Democrats to donate “to help us take back the majority in the House so we can continue to do absolutely nothing to hold Justice Thomas accountable or reform the Supreme Court in any way.”