Harris Begins Search for Republican Special Counsel to Derail Future Presidency

WASHINGTON — Vice President Kamala Harris announced Thursday that she has begun searching for a Republican special counsel to investigate her once she becomes president.

“In keeping with Democrats’ tradition of even-handedness, my future Justice Department will select a special counsel intent on politically destroying me,” Harris said at a press conference. “This is the most effective way for us to convey our fairness to the public. As Democrats, we believe that when someone wants to attack you, you should hand them a knife so that everyone knows you’re a good person.”

When asked what the future special counsel will investigate, Harris said, “Whatever they want. I’ll even let them report on why I talk like a freshman in college giving a presentation about a philosopher whose work I haven’t read.”

Asked about Harris’ announcement, President Joe Biden told reporters, “I’m proud of Vice President Geraldine Ferraro for her commitment to bipartisanship.”

————

Support independent bookstores and The Archer by shopping through our Bookshop link.